I Go To Sleep Hungry...

I feel I am learning so much lately. I mentionned that our family is preparing to have an addition to our home when God has hand-picked our child He has called us to love. I am questionned often about our decision and the what, when, why, where and how this will all work out. For right now, I'll just share my feelings as of lately as you all know this is just a long process and I will be posting many thoughts and feelings and answer many questions thru out this journey.

A Bible verse that has touched me before this journey was Philippians 2:4.

"Each of you should look not only at your own interests but also to the interests of others."

This verse helped me realize to set my selfishness aside and focus on what God was calling us to do...make a final decision towards adoption.

I was praying with our son before bed last night and then thought back to every prayer he prays, " I thank you for mommy and daddy, my family, help_____ get better, help our baby to be healthy..." He is 6 years old and is so unselfish. I was thinking of my prayers lately ....uummmm, it seems to be a lot about me and it needs to stop. It is so easy to want the best or what it right for me but how often are we forgetting to think beyond ourselves and think like Jesus!

So I am praying that God can change my heart to be more like His. Patience is not my strength so I can't do it alone. This gestation is not 9 months but 2 years...and possibly, even longer. Being pregnant 3 times already, I'd have to say, that this journey I'm on right now, feels so much more intense, way more emotional and draining as a mother to be, than to be in a family way myself! This is so out of my control and I have to depend on Jesus for strength and energy to just make it through each day.

Which is why I have asked God where I need to be...

There is a mother who is with child. Oppression, violence and poverty are in her daily life. She may be trying to support other children or this may be her first baby, either way, she has very little to eat, not to mention a tough decision to give her child up for adoption in a country where its children are its greatest treasure. We are both mothers. We have this in common. And since, I have been pregnant, I have gained weight with my babies, and have had cravings that I have been able to fill up on. She cannot. Not to mention, the pain of giving away my baby, whether I could support her or not, would be beyond painful.

And the verse says...looking also to the interests of others...

So I am eating much less than I ever had. This mother goes to bed hungry every night...but she has no choice. I do. I am making the choice to look beyond myself, and feel hunger. I have sleepless nights because my stomach is growling and it plain hurts but I am truly taking this time to feel her pain and pray for her...mother to mother.

Dear God, Please help this mother as she is not only carrying a child but so much pain. Help her to sense your strength and love as continues each day with her heavy heart as she needs to make her ultimate and difficult decision.