Not on my own strength

I never realized when I started blogging what it actually meant to live this life with God as my strength. I thought I was. Perhaps I was. But I wasn't truly leaning on God for all my life's joys and aches. Only when things unravel and are broken, can we ever fathom what that means.
But I went there.
I had been silent. Fighting alone. It wasn't working. I had nothing left.
I. Was. Broken.
Until one day, I surrendered everything. I mean EVERYTHING. It wasn't my place to carry something that I couldn't handle.
Something happened that day. That day as I begged God to take this pain away, I lifted my head from  tear soaked carpet, and my life has never been the same.
I discovered freedom. Joy in the midst of sadness. Peace that truly is from God. I cannot describe it. Maybe I will talk about it someday.
Right now, I chose to lean close to my Saviour and He heals my wounds, carries my burdens and continues to fill me with love to pour on others.
Now that is living.
True living.
Not on my own strength.

Hope is...

This picture was taken on one of the battle grounds in Tennessee. It was such a beautiful path. So tranquil. So rich in history. One could have said it was the perfect evening to spend together as a family, bridges, photo ops, and skipping rocks in the stream. Ironically years before, this exact place was filled with blood shed, horror and deep wounds, agony and loss.
God has reminded me that just like this place, ruined and destroyed, He also has rebuilt and made new; God will do the same for my life. God will rebuild brokenness that the enemy has destroyed and replace loss with restoration. What hope!
Ezekiel 36: 33,36 "This is what the Sovereign LORD says: On the day I cleanse you from all your sins, I will resettle your towns, and the ruins will be rebuilt...Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the LORD have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the LORD have spoken and I will do it."

"blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her." Luke 1:45

Found this! Love this! Had to share!

A Standers Affirmation

 

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

 

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

 

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

- Author Unknown

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, (O Andrea), or whine, Israel (Andrea) saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me?"
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He is Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch His breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles.
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
Is.40 27-31

Good-bye lies, hello joy

We have all had those days or times in our lives that we just don't feel special, unheard and sadly, unwanted. Different situations and people put these unrealistic expectations of us and we try so hard to be brave and strong...despite the attitudes and perspectives that are thrown our way. Inside, where no one sees, is such brokenness. We fear if that one person would/could see how we really felt, we would feel/look worse to them. So we pretend. sigh...
I have pretended for a year. In this process, I allowed the maker of destruction convince me that I was stupid, ugly and unworthy of love and acceptance that God made us to want and enjoy. Rather than breathing easy, I have become an emotional wreck. I saw the words told to me and actions brought my way as truth...not the lies that they were. I became so emotional to the point, I gave up friends, struggled in my parenting and feeling like a wife was foreign.
I believed lies.
I have never cried so much in my life. My comfort was that God collects each tears I cry and one day, I would find joy...whatever way God chose to bless me with it.
During this time, I have read my Bible daily. I crave it. Not to read section of a book, just to say I did, but to read it, ponder it, repeat it and pray for God's wisdom and direction as I discovered truths of who God is, why Jesus came and what that means for me. Me.
Another human lost value in me, and I allowed that to have power over me. Since I wasn't good enough for them, I lost who I was.
Hello??? How wrong is that?
How I was treated was so painful, not to mention the silence that was so obvious the rest of the time was so abusive, hurting me to the core of my being.
A few weeks ago, I went for a little weekend away. I spent time praying and learning who I was. It was so healing. I realized that I don't need this person in my life. I need God. We look at dysfunctional relationships around us and see how they are not working, yet we cannot see how CrAzY your own life is.
I am now on my way to finding joy. I have let this person have space. I have walked away. My prayer is that healing will come and we may find wholeness again...one day, however God chooses that to look like. I know that letting go was pivotal in my realizing that I am not the lies I have been hearing. With Christ beside me, I AM STRONG. My prayer is this person will discover God's amazing love and acceptance too. I have been created for a purpose. For this moment in time. God does have a plan for me. That is my hope.
Please excuse me as I go renew my friendships, love on my kids and be the wife I am called to be.
Blessings,
Andrea

You know you blessed when...

³"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
⁴"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
⁵"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
⁶"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
⁷"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
⁸"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
⁹"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
¹⁰"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
Matthew 5:3-10 the message

Wanted...

You're wanted
just as you are-
the imperfections and beauty,
the mistakes and strengths.
God sees you completely,
knows you fully,
and calls you His own.
Can you sense the voice of heaven
speaking out above the crowds
that try to tell you who you are?
He's the One saying,
"I choose her.
She's the one I want ~
now and always."
Holley Gerth

Just when I was ready to give up