Good-bye lies, hello joy

We have all had those days or times in our lives that we just don't feel special, unheard and sadly, unwanted. Different situations and people put these unrealistic expectations of us and we try so hard to be brave and strong...despite the attitudes and perspectives that are thrown our way. Inside, where no one sees, is such brokenness. We fear if that one person would/could see how we really felt, we would feel/look worse to them. So we pretend. sigh...
I have pretended for a year. In this process, I allowed the maker of destruction convince me that I was stupid, ugly and unworthy of love and acceptance that God made us to want and enjoy. Rather than breathing easy, I have become an emotional wreck. I saw the words told to me and actions brought my way as truth...not the lies that they were. I became so emotional to the point, I gave up friends, struggled in my parenting and feeling like a wife was foreign.
I believed lies.
I have never cried so much in my life. My comfort was that God collects each tears I cry and one day, I would find joy...whatever way God chose to bless me with it.
During this time, I have read my Bible daily. I crave it. Not to read section of a book, just to say I did, but to read it, ponder it, repeat it and pray for God's wisdom and direction as I discovered truths of who God is, why Jesus came and what that means for me. Me.
Another human lost value in me, and I allowed that to have power over me. Since I wasn't good enough for them, I lost who I was.
Hello??? How wrong is that?
How I was treated was so painful, not to mention the silence that was so obvious the rest of the time was so abusive, hurting me to the core of my being.
A few weeks ago, I went for a little weekend away. I spent time praying and learning who I was. It was so healing. I realized that I don't need this person in my life. I need God. We look at dysfunctional relationships around us and see how they are not working, yet we cannot see how CrAzY your own life is.
I am now on my way to finding joy. I have let this person have space. I have walked away. My prayer is that healing will come and we may find wholeness again...one day, however God chooses that to look like. I know that letting go was pivotal in my realizing that I am not the lies I have been hearing. With Christ beside me, I AM STRONG. My prayer is this person will discover God's amazing love and acceptance too. I have been created for a purpose. For this moment in time. God does have a plan for me. That is my hope.
Please excuse me as I go renew my friendships, love on my kids and be the wife I am called to be.
Blessings,
Andrea