I had the honour to hold a precious little newborn recently. He was tiny and making noises like he wanted to cry. As I sh’d him and held him close, his little body settling into me and there I was, holding this still and sleeping bundle.
As I held him, I let my mind wander…
I was picturing a little baby, my baby. But I wasn’t holding my child, for God hasn’t placed our child with us. The newborn that I was holding is the probably the same age as my baby right now. I just held this baby. This perfect little bundle and I cried. Tears of joy for the gift of life. Tears of pain. As a mother who loves this baby so much and she is choosing to give a better life and hope. Each day I have with my own children, I can’t even comphrend letting them out of my sight much less giving them away. Tears of ‘it’s just not fair’. Why must a mother ever have to make this choice? Tears of waiting and the unknown. Tears of never holding my child as an infant. And all the cuddles, rocking and midnight feedings that includes. Tears of trust as I am in awe that I get to be a mother again and entrusted to be a parent for someone else.
As my tears flowed, I felt so blessed. God has helped us work through the finer details so we could work toward this adoption.
Kris had to remind me as I told him about this experience and all my tears, that this isn’t our baby yet. There is a mother who is so desperately trying to give all of herself and see her baby grow up. And we are there to help her along. Yes, we will call this baby ours …but in time. Not yet, so instead of missing out on my baby’s life, I want to pray for this baby and the mother. That this baby will feel like he/she is loved by two mothers and not more by one or the other. I pray that this child will feel the arms of his/her mother now and rest knowing that he/she is very loved and wanted.
9 comments:
Oh gosh, this brought tears to my eyes. It must be so hard to sort out your emotions when thinking about the precious baby you will be receiving. I know this baby is lucky to be able to call you mommy.
Wow...I can't even imagine the emotions one goes through when going through the adoption process. The child you are anxiously anticipating will know how much both you -- and his/her birth Mom -- loves them. You will be sure of that!
I can feel with you. We had a chance to adopt but it turned on us pretty quickly. It was full of many emotions.
I'm praying for you that God will be there with you through this time. I know how we can get carried away before our time has come. "It's only natural" What an amazing oppertunity, eh?
I wasn't telling you my story to get you down. From reading this a lot of my emotions came back and I felt like sharing.
This sorting through of emotions and getting things in the right perspective is only through Christ--love that I got to read this and "see" Him sorting, comforting, and preparing His sweet child! Your heart is precious.
Wow - I am so crying. This was beautiful.
I will be praying for yall.
What an emotional time for you. It must be hard to see a tiny little baby and wonder about your baby that is coming. How absolutely blessed this little one will be and how they will bring much joy in your family. I am very excited and moved to be included in your journey.
Oh my dear sweet Andrea that brought tears to my eyes!
I cannot imagine the feelings of a mother who so desperately wants to keep her child but just doesn't have the means to do it and makes the choice to give that child up...wow heartwrenching!!
Your heart SHINES girl! You are incredibly Precious!!!
Beautiful post!
Andrea, you have such a soft heart and it is amazing to see how God touches your life through different events, even holding a baby. Praying for you as you wait patiently for the process to continue.
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