I just love how God works...

“You’re doing what? How can you take babies from other families waiting to have kids? You have three healthy kids…,” and so the conversation ended for me.
Those words echoed in my head as I replayed the conversation I had. I wanted to cry. I hadn’t told anyone before about this desire to adopt. And now I felt shot down. She really didn’t understand. “Dear God give me grace,” I thought, “as I try to explain my feelings.”
That was my first time talking about my intention to adopt. At this time, my kids were 5, 2 and newborn. During my third pregnancy, I found out that my daughter may not live to full-term because of problems with my blood and for any following children. She did make the pregnancy but her arrival on Good Friday was nothing good at all! After a c-section with numerous hours of labour, she entered our world. I knew at that moment, I didn’t need a child from me to be loved by me. When I was strong enough to sit at my computer 3 weeks after having her, I applied for an adoption application. It was so heavy on my heart. I could only finish the application when she was a year old or else everything would stale date which costs more money but there was another problem…my hubby wasn't convinced.
Guys have this way of being practical. I married an accountant. It was about the money... and the fact, that our lil family was growing and very busy already…thankfully, it’s not only about being practical!
God created us to be of sound mind but He also created us to have emotion…to cry, to love, to desire. I knew that God wanted us to have another child. This desire was so strong. I prayed daily for Kris’ heart to prepare for another child and that finances wouldn’t stop us from this. I prayed daily for all my kids even the one I could not hold.

Doubt enters the stage.

I started getting thoughts like we have a busy family. Adoption is a great thing to do, but maybe God wants us to support others going thru this process. I’m a mom but not an amazing one like some others I know and admire. I tried to leave the application papers alone. They were on my mind daily but I tried to not let it bother me. Night would come, and then I could sleep and not think about what was on my mind all day long! Soon after, I started to hear a baby cry while I slept. This baby was the one God was asking me to adopt. I was aware enough to know it wasn’t my baby in the crib crying and that I wasn’t getting a good nights’ sleep. Night after night, the baby kept crying in my dreams…waking me up at 4:30am and keeping me awake until morning. It wouldn’t stop. There was nothing I could do! I couldn’t pretend anymore. I got up and prayed, “God, if this is what you want from us, we’ll do it.” I placed my head down on the pillow, the crying stopped. I felt this amazing peace and I slept the rest of the night. I woke up realizing I promised God we would adopt…now how was I able to tell Kris?
Our family friends, who are also in the international adoption process, came wearing t-shirts for the cause and a sales pitch for Kris, unbeknown to me. I had invited them for supper just to visit like we always do, and they were so pumped about their adoption, we talked about it all night! They left, Kris opened his mouth and said, “Go get those papers and a pen. I’m signing them right now!” The next morning, those papers were signed and sent to our agency and so began the process to be parents again!
This adoption journey has been quite emotional..more than my 3 pregnancies combined. Maybe it's the unknown. Maybe because I have no control over it. I sit and wait and pray. It's all I can do. And I just can't wait to hold our baby in our arms!