So I'm not crazy???

So here I sit pondering relationships.

I love people.

Really do.
I love meeting new people and visiting with those I know.
I do believe that God places certain people in your life at specific times, to help, encourage and support and I suppose to learn from each other too.

Lately as I have been going through some drama, I have really been asking God to show me how I need to act, what to say etc. Relationships that aren't going well can hurt so badly. I do realize that it takes two of us make things worse and also two to decide how and if it gets better. I have a love for counselling. It helps me refocus where and how to turn and how to prayfully heal. I only wish everyone could feel the freedom in 'help' rather on their own painful reactions, bitterness, selfishness and waiting on time.

I have felt like I am the cause of much pain. I feel like I am the reason things are going so poorly. I am relational but realize at times, I feel I need to say how I feel rather than have someone else decide on how I should be/say/decide. I have realized that though I may have my own opinion to certain circumstances, I'm not crazy. Well, not all the time!!!

I have realized that the driving force in my life is other's expectations for me. This has really been so painful. I have felt like I'm not good enough unless I choose the 'right' way...

I was reading the lastest magazine of the 'in focus' by Focus On The Family and my eye caught these words...

Expectations often cause a great deal of unnecessary pain. An expectation is only valid if it is agreed upon. You must be aware of what you expect, determine if it is realistic, express it clearly to the person it concerns and find out if they agree.
(Wendy Kittlitz, director of counselling and care ministries for focus on the family canada)

These comments feel like it was an answer to my prayers that I have been praying. To feel responsible for saying no and fear the reactions or dread the outcome if I say yes to keep things at peace when the situation is less than ideal....is a lose/lose for all involved. A relationship like this is subject to fail...

Dear God,

Please give me the words to say so others can understand where I am coming from. I'm not asking for my way. I'm asking to be a valued part of this relationship with not just their needs and emotions met but for mine to be understood and acknowledged as important too. Please empower me with wisdom, sensitivity and the ability to articulate my feelings into words and tell me when to shut up and let things go.

Amen