I'm weary.
Tired.
I feel like I have lost joy and my energy.
I feel speechless.
I was vulnerable and I got hurt.
It stung deep and to the core of my existence.
I felt strongly about what God was pressing on my heart.
Though my intentions were honourable and I was hurt putting it mildly, and sadly, I choose to slowly harbour resentment.
I never realized the mass of bitterness I was holding on to until recently. Devotionals about forgiveness to books I read and conversations I overheard... all have been focusing on this loving act of letting go.
I was still not willing to forgive. I was hurt. I felt silly. Sick to my stomach. Embarrassed. I pleaded with God for a chance to have my side of the story said. The opportunity never presented itself.
I reread one of my favorite books this last weekend by Lysa TerKeurst, "What Happens When Women Walk In Faith". Wow! Not only could we be sisters, she also writes a powerful book...I highly recommend it!
As I was reading it, I started thinking about the need I have to let go of this resentment and forgive. It's not easy to let go of something I've been holding tightly in my fists. The 'I-have-the-control-now-and-you-can't-hurt-me-anymore-attitude' was getting old and actually quite draining. I knew what I had to do. I have been noticing that this past while this 'weight' has changed me and I was miserable. I am only responsible for myself . I can't change others but I know what God desires from me. My kids memory verse today was "Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you"(I forget where it's found). It's funny, I've known that verse since I was a little girl but today I lived it.
Today I have decided to forgive. Let go.
Heal.
Trust again.
Renew the brokenness between us.
I now choose to laugh.
Help. Pray. Love ...and dance for now
I'm FREE!!!
6 comments:
Thank you for the reminder of what it is to forgive. Forgiveness is a very tough thing that takes a daily choice! It's amazing what I've all learned about forgiveness in my life, and still need to be reminded constantly about what it truly means to forgive! So thank you for your post.
Isn't it amazing that when we forgive, we're the ones that end up free?!
Praise God! I understand your burden, I have carried burdens before that I thought were buried and under the blood, I had forgiven and released......only to find I was still holding onto resentment. Your right...only we can let go of it...we cannot make others change no matter the mode of persuasion. I pray that you stay free and you rebuke the enemy anytime he tries to bind you up in anything other than KNOWING you are FREE!! Awesome Praise Report!
It truly is freeing to forgive!!! "Forgive those who trespass against us"
so cool.
so true.
xo
I am glad those chains have been lifted sweet friend.
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