I don't know where to start. I would like to say that though, I'm not too organized( * sigh* and I'd love to be) I have not let my life and house go to the dogs. Well, until today. I have amazing intentions and the ideas in my head are truly quite perfect as I picture how things could be if I did something about my problem. Yes, I have a p-r-o-b-l-e-m. A huge problem. It started small and I think it has manifested itself as a huge blob in front of me. I can't see for looking. Oh, where do I start?
I love having pictures of my kids professionally done, I love getting pictures of friends kids and watching them grow, and I even love the fact that I hae taken many pictures to treasure beautiful memories and help tell stories to my children as they grow up. It's a beautiful picture, really. What's the problem? What has been haunting me since I've had kids? What is my first project I have when my kids start school and I have a free moment...? I want to desperately put all my pictures I have in order and in albums. Oh, I have the albums or a good amount to start this year long project. You see, I don't scrapbook. There I said it...now having been accepted in this town without this hobby, is beyond me. All my friends scrapbook and they do a beautiful job and spend hours on their albums and even get away to do this activity. That should be enough for me to do it too! But I don't...I struggle finishing a task that I start...probably why I collect pictures but they never seem to manifest themselves into a book. The longer it stays in my closet, the more dust collects, not to mention more pictures are added to the pile.
Why now? Why am I deciding to write about this weakness of mine...this flaw in my character? It was all because of a note my son brought home from school. For his Kindergarten ending celebration...( I will not call it a grad...it'll make me feel like that is another page I haven't done on his scrapbook). Okay, this note said "please bring a baby picture of your child by June 3" ( today) and since I had lots of time, I waited until this morning...and the fact that all the pictures are in the baby room closet, and there is baby that sleeps when I have a chance to look there that doesn't help the problem.
I told my son "I need to find a picture for you for school today."
"That's okay mommy, I already have it." This coming from an official pack rat scared me a bit and I asked for an explanation.He ran to the place where his baby book should have pictures and took out his album and opened it up. He had found some pictures of himself and placed them ever so carefully onto the pages. My heart broke. He is so proud of his album. I looked at all his proud moments and my heart ached for this child. His mother has failed him and he took the responsibility onto himself and made himself a precious book of pictures. Saddenly, as I went through my bags of pictures, I was unable to locate one baby picture from his first year...I sheepishly asked my son, if we could use his picture for his day at school. Proudly, he said yes!
Okay, I'm am putting this on my to-do list...before the end of summer, I want to have pictures in the right places...In albums. Since this is coming from someone who has two Florida vacations still on our computer,a Japan trip from years ago needing a home and not one picture printed of our 14 month old...this is a huge task...I just hope that I don't get too overwhelmed and have an empty promise for my boy. I can't let the children feel like their baby years were so busy, I had no time to cherish the memories. Is it just me?
7 comments:
Okay I (as a procrastinator and half-comitted scrapbooker) think you're being too hard on yourself. The sign of a mom dedicated to her kids early years is not whether she has her pictures organized. Your kids honestly (sorry to say) won't care. They will care however if you stopped to listen to them. They will care if you played with them, snuggled them taught them. By reading your blog every day, Andrea I have come to see that you are an amazing mom. Planning healthy meals and stimulating activities every day for your kids is heroic. Absolutely, get your mind and hands around projects that you feel need tending, but don't confuse that with letting down your kids. All they want is you.
I have to agree with Jody, you are being WAY to hard on yourself!! First off, with scrapbooking if it is something that you personally enjoy, awesome, it's not for me. The fact that you think all your friends do is very wrong, I would say more don't than do. I find it overwhelming, I can enjoy other peoples but I develop my pictures and put them into albums as there developed, that way they are always in order and I don't have the stress of trying to find time to scrapbook. And you are not letting your kids down, that is your guilt and expectations of yourself that are way to high. You are a wonderful, nurturing mother and they will always remember that. They would rather that than a mother who doesn't have time to spend with them. Andrea, as I am nearing my 40's..yes I said it. I have come to realize that I won't and can't compare myself to other's. I have to be who I am not what I feel is expected of my because "everyone" else does it. I have alot to learn from you, just be true to yourself and take pride in your daily accomplishments, the wonderful job you do in raising your children
I told myself I wasn't even going to start scrapbooking for my kids, and I have stuck to it! I just would never be able to keep up and I would get overwhelmed.
The point isn't whether or not you've taken the time to organize them and put them into photo albums. The point is that you have captured special memories on camera, and you have them to look back on.
And even more importantly is the time you spent with your children, regardless of whether or not there are pictures to show for it.
sorry if it seemed like a stressout type of post...thanks for your encouragement. when i reread it later, i realized my tone was of the overwhelming variety...my bad on that...tried to be sarcastic yet voice my frustrations of the lack of not having it all together
Oh Andrea. I think you are also being too hard on yourself. If it makes you feel any better, we have thousands of pictures from the last 4 or 5 years that are on our computer and have not been printed. I am also not a scrapbooker and look longingly at those around me who do and enjoy it, and wish that I was one of them! I am not. I tried. I "failed". But it's ok! It's just not my thing. Rachel and Jody make great points - you spend so much time with your kiddos doing activites - they make their own cinnamon rolls right? That's pretty freakin' amazing. You take the time to do that stuff with them and that's what they are going to remember as they get older. You're a fantastic mother. Don't let scrapbooking (almost wrote 'crapbooking', hehe) get you down!!! :)
I am so in the same boat as you. I made the unfortunate mistake of trying to scrapbook. Let's just say I'm only done Emma's first year and she's 7 now, and none of my other 3 kids books have been started. Maybe I can hire someone to do it for me :)
Now I'm in the rough place of trying to decide if I need to seriously buckle down and do it, or just give it up altogether.
So, yeah, I totally hear ya!
If it's not your thing, don't scrapbook! Just put them in albums.
Hey! Another thing we have in common! I don't scrapbook either, and I always feel like the only person in the entire world that doesn't. The last picture I have done something with is when my almost 4 year old was 6 months old... It is written on my 'to do' list in the back of my planner. I hope to accomplish tasks of putting pictures where they belong real soon, too! :)
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