And it's over...

After much prayer, conversation and more prayer, Kris and I have decided to step away from our pending adoption. We have lots of reasons that have brought us to this difficult decision. This past summer has been quite stressful weighing the pros and cons. After 3 years of waiting patiently, we have decided to pull our file permanently.

Some days, I am exhausted and just want to cry.

Other days I am plain relieved...and ready to start living the life God placed in front of us.

We have so much to live for and do, and I truly believe that God has closed this door He opened for us almost 41/2 years ago. There were many times along this journey we felt that God was clearly leading us. When we felt weary and hopeless, the next door would open. Since summer we have felt the door shutting in front of us.

I am having a difficult time trying to articulate all my feelings, facts and emotions. So I think I'll leave it there for another day, when I have the energy and words to express how/what I am feeling.

I do know that God wouldn't have put us deep into this process without a reason. We may never understand this outcome but we know that nothing happens in our lives without a reason. And know that despite ourselves, He does have a plan and I do not have to do this alone.

I am thankful He is with me and I am not doing this not my own strength.